Is it really family reunion time again?

Every year, just as I start thinking about going camping up at Young, I get a phone call. It's from my dear, biological grandmother. She is calling me to invite me to the family reunion... I have told her repeatedly that this is not something I am interested in doing, but she calls every year. Last year, she decided that I needed to do this and left me numerous messages on my answering machine, the last one resulting in her being quite put off that I was not calling her back. Mind you, I was avoiding her calls by checking the caller id, however I was not happy that she had figured this out.

Now before you judge me for avoiding these calls... this is a woman whom I have talked to a total of maybe 10 times in my entire life. I struggle with how to balance what she wants with what I need and desire. She unfortunately does not understand this struggle and believes I should be walking into her family with open arms and a huge smile. That's just not going to happen any time soon and I wish I could nicely tell her that I need to do what is healthy for me, and being an integrated part of her family is not that.

Regardless, I got the call today, and a nice message inviting me and my family to the annual family get together, where I will be able to meet her sister from Germany. (nice guilt addition there). She informed the answering machine, that the rest of the family would LOVE to meet me and my family and she looks forward to my call back.

First of all, I'm not going to a family reunion where my biological mother may decide to attend. I am 29 years old and have had no contact with the rest of this family since I was 2 years old, and EXTREMELY limitted contact with grandma. I am not starting now...

So, I am all triggered again, will have a horrible time falling asleep and will spend the next few days trying to figure out how to explain to grandma again, that I am not going to take this step.

Can't the past just disappear? Or at least accept my decision? I feel comfortable with it, have processed it numerous times and understand why I feel this way. I just have that nagging issue of wanting to please everyone and not let anyone down, even if it's grandma who I get a phone call from once a year.